Sleep Awake

First stage

Don’t go to sleep to dream

They call it insomnia

Is it not survival mode?

Eyes open

Heart irrational tugging, rolling, pausing, and skipping beats

Breathlessness lulled by pain

Catch breath

Close eyes again

First stage

Pray to the Lord

Ask for relief,  all one can afford

First stage

Quiet but not silent

A thin layer of darkness

Vulnerable to interruption

Thoughts running through mind

Aware,  cancel them out

In search of  deeper first stage

First stage

Still here, this the only sleep

Not restless but tired

Pillow, like a barrier, then like a cradle

Blanket, a thin shield

Eyes closed

Trifle in and out of quiet but not silent awareness

Eyes open

Heart irrational, tugging, rolling, pausing, and skipping beats

Breathlessness

Lulled by pain

Catch breath

Close eyes again

First stage

Morning greets, finds tired

Good that it is here

Eyes open

Trifle in and out of quiet but not silent awareness

– Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin

       Copyright 2011

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Waiting

Sands in the hourglass

Seem to fall so slow


Waiting for relaxation from a glass of Merlot, eventually it does overflow
Waiting for an understanding that does not ever show
Waiting for the night to take thee off to sleep

To sleep thee never goes

Waiting for the moment that’s right

Only to create another plight 

Waiting for the sun to rise up in clear or cloudy skies
Waiting for the answers to oh, so many why’s

The answers do come

not all at once but only some

Faith tells thee there are more answers to come 

Wait no more

For faith build’s the bridge

That leads thee to the right door

 A night without waiting
pray to the Lord the soul to keep

And then fall fast to sleep

Waiting is not always the thing to do

But many a time we have to

It is why patience is a virtue

When waiting for one’s return  

Or for something thee does yearn

Waiting is hard to endure

For time taunts

 Making waiting become something of the obscure

 

– Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin
Copyright © 2013

 

Sanity to Me

Sanity to me is
Bravery in the face of fear
Sanity to me is
Listening to your heart body and mind
When no one else will hear

Sanity to me is
Letting out and facing every tear if alone or if someone’s near

Sanity to me is knowing the last thoughts and feelings of a loved one unfairly taken from me and the rest of us here

Sanity to me is

Not sympathy
But is the understanding
It’s a finding commonality
A comrade in the tested strength  of trial and tribulation that others too are withstanding
Sanity to me is
Having something and someone good to believe in
No matter how much hurt trouble or burden on my shoulders I’m heavin’

My sanity is being a soldier by my own right and always fighting the see, speak, and hear no evil, the right fight

Sanity to me is
Having faith stand or fall
In God in Heaven and Heavenly Guardian Angels that come to call

Sanity to me is

Standing up for what I know is right
A knowing, a fighting for the truth
Even when standing falsely accused
Leaves me standing alone and it hurts just as bad as being physically, mentally, or emotionally abused

sanity to me is that natural found empathy
For others who struggle the same or worse as me
Sanity to me is
a random act of kindness an empathetic blindness to the what or the who

if nothing else in the moment I knew, that he or she needed that act of  kindness from me or who?

Sanity to me is
Writing and making my voice heard

And yet

its just as well Communicating without a word
Sanity to me is always visible in the eyes

Its taking a meditating moment to close them and pray or seek answers to all the whys

Sanity can feel like a burden sometimes and beating this feeling is better than going down with the evil that chimes

Sanity to many is staying sane
Through chronic illness, depression, emotional, and physical pain.

Sanity is knowing when to let it rain never giving up on your goals, dreams, and the things God’s good intentions gain

Then knowing when to start anew just by a tap on your shoulder, a heavenly whisper, the way the wind blows gently and the way the light shines on you

Sanity to me

Is a worthwhile talk for me, for someone, while taking a walk in the weather of choice that soothes anger and gives it voice

Even if I’m down and  have been for a while Sanity to me is a burst of  laughter and or a  subtle smile

Sanity is a loved one, just someone who understands,  or a friend that sticks with you when you need encouragement to go that needed extra mile

Sanity to many is being heard through an instrument and or the voice in a song and playing whenever somethings right or somethings wrong and the best part is the understanding when its heard and others sing along

–  Copyright Sheryl K. Platzer Sartin    2011

To Be

My mind, my spirit
My blood, my sweat, my tears
Versus My body and all it’s pain
Versus Systemic auto immune disease, Sarcoidosis
Versus neuropathy, weakness, versus unknown, versus so many symptoms
versus giving up…
To Be is
To tell about it is
To face it, is to cry, is to find peace of mind
To talk about it is
To  hear and find strength in my voice, in my spirit, is to endure, is to continue on my painful journey
To talk about it is
To continue to love, is to seek understanding, is to have growing compassion for others and their sufferings, and hardships
To write about it is
To  dare, is to look in the face of a serious stage disease
To write about it is
To grow braver and bolder
To read about it is
To continue to find strength to overcome even
When my hand, my eyes, my feet, my limbs, my spine, my bones, and my organs struggle
To think about it
is to meditate, is to pray, is to count my blessings, is to cherish life and it’s every moment
To be grateful for every new day
To push myself is
To fight off the darkness, to seek and find the light and to then find my way
To pray about it is
To recognize God’s Grace
To know God’s Glory
To talk about it, to write about it, to pray about it is
To tell my story
I scream out loud
I cry
I wonder why I…
I am inside out, i am still, i remain i
i-freebird and in humbled mind and spirit
i fly
– Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin
Copyright 2010

Count Your Blessings

My Daily grind … work, bills, medical bills, never enough money,  cost of perscriptions, and I’m still trying to achieve my goals.
I’m back in school to finish and further my criminal Justice degree.
It gets so hard some days, but I won’t give up, even if this is another sarcoidosis flare up in lungs and lymph nodes.
Gonna fight it as long as I can to try and stay down and get off the necessary evil, prednisone. Pray I can and that it won’t kill me.
Fighting off the fatigue and depression w/o more meds though and doing a good job of it.
I have the Lord & a lot of Guardian Angels, Mikko is one.
 
All the while I realize, there’s others with worse situations/problems than me.
 
Count your Blessings everyone.