Her Days, Though Numbered, Are Too Many

Today she finds yet another painful lump under her skin along with another painful lymph node.
Today is yet another day like too many of which she peels away all four patches of an electrical nerve stimulator.

Today is one too many a day of the typical, morning in which she wakes, swallows a lot of prescription meds and does not concern herself with what she will wear, fashion sense, or even combing her hair.
Today the Lidoderm patches become the fashion accessory that adorns her body, almost everywhere.
She wonders why time doesn’t feel as tough it is working against her.
Quietly she whispers to herself she that she wishes time would hurry on and get to the point it will carry on, without her.
She is not suicidal.
She is just low on distractions from all the physical pain and sorrowful memories that rob her of her natural energy and enthusiasm.
She feels much older than she really is.

She is tired of all the doctor appointments
Today, yet another day to many, in all the pain, she wonders “What UN-willed transformations are next for me?”
Just as the tears slowly fall from her failing eyes and drench the patchy dry skin on her face, a lovable creature she resides with brushes up against her.
There is warm, loving embrace of which she is relieved by.
She is able to feel happy again.
Today is another day alright.
She always has strength for a loved one, one of the many she loves so much.
One of the now few distractions that help her strive to fight to survive.
There is communication between them that is without words. While her last tear falls and her cheek dries there is, through warm and loving eyes, that deep gaze full of a comfort that is almost surreal, almost omniscient.
She whispers to herself,
“I will see and feel such a gaze even if lost becomes the sight from my eye.”
Melatonin begins out doing the pain signals in her brain, and is all her precious loved one, her pet, ever wanted.
Today is yet another day of this life on a path not chosen, still she tries to acclimate.

Today, like every day, she gives thanks to loving pets, her loving Husband, and even more so, to a loving God. She is so humbled. She can feel the smile growing slowly on her face in place of the tears. She is thankful that she is here in this moment. For a while she still, both outside and in.
Today, like any other day, she has found her strength within.
She reaches out to touch others with prayer and support.
Most of them have not even the slightest clue that,
From her heart and soul she does this and she believes this is what she should do.
She feels she must do something now that there is not much she can do.
Today is yet another day that all of this is her mental and spiritual rescue.
Tonight she writes in her journal.
“Today was another day alright.”
“Today was another day and it was all right.”

i-freebird / Sheryl Platzer-Sartin
©2015

@i_freebird

#SarcoidosisAwareness

The Perfect Storm

wpid-IMAG0541.jpg

The calm before storm

Daybreak creeping slowly in

There is a hush in the morning creature’s chatter

In whispers, they prepare for just one special matter

 

Slowly rolls in

The perfect storm

 

Such beautiful sound the perfect storm brings

Soft quieter roles of thunder

Wind sound of wisp under wing

Remind of precious moments and things

Like flying

Even the Songbird still sings

Refresh reform in the perfect storm

I dance I dance and I dance, even sing

Receiving grace and understanding

From God in the heaven above

I am even renewed with more strength and more love

With each raindrop that blesses my head, my heart, my soul, and my face

I am reminded to take things at my own pace

And I become more thankful  towards heaven and grace

The perfect storm

 Some of us seek it, for some it is norm

 

–          Sheryl Kay Platzer-Sartin

      © Copyright 2013

Good Graces and Glory

 

Good Graces of his Glory
Brings me life
Another day worth praising
Once again
Despite my anguish and loss
I am raising my head, my hand Shouting loud to all
I am here for a reason
Therefore I must make the best
Of every season
I must do some good
In the Lords name
Because when I cried
He came
Now any turmoil I face fearlessly
With faith
Is not the same
The Good Graces of his Glory
Gave me strength to face every day
I’m ready for
Whatever comes my way

Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin
© 2012

 

Glass Face Clown

Cracked Up Glass Face

LicenseCopyright All rights reserved by i-freebird

i’m a glass face clown
  i’m wearing a glass mask
Don’t care who’s behind it
 i just do
  Whatever the task

i’m a glass face clown
A token of beauty
With a face painted on
Of a frown
Worn upside down

i’m a glass face clown
 As long as i’m pretty
 Then i’m just a puppet
Do what you will
 While i just have to tough it

i’m a glass face clown
 You think i smile but really i frown
 i’m just wearing it upside down
 i’m just wearing it upside down

This shell, it is numb

No, i’m not really dumb

  i’m wearing this frown upside down

A glass mask that could shatter
But to you this doesn’t matter
 i’m here for you
Just to bruise and to batter

i’m a glass face clown
Wearing a frown upside down

Trapped for this while

Forced to be servile

While i’m wearing this frown upside down

You are fooled by this frown upside down

Do whatever your will
  i will just remain still 

In this mind and spirit

That you think bereft

They are not,
  The real me has left

In in mind I‘m still sound

And I warn you

One day

I will come around 

One day 

I will come around

 Then all of your dirty secrets

Will be out and then found

Your dirty secrets will haunt you

Even when you’re dead in the ground

LicenseCopyright All rights reserved by i-freebird

– Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin / i-freebird ®

Copyright © 2012

Pretty No More

Pretty No More

A feeling so profound…
A look at him, through him, then around
Suddenly all meaning just falls to the ground

A new feeling even more profound…

Chills from every empty word
Believing his words, being there is… absurd
It’s all he really wants

Get out of there,
Just get out the door
Don’t you ever come back for more

Time passes until
Again he whispers your name
Like before
When you were still the same
Like a reckless weakling
You go back for the same

You think you got something special that will change things…

What does not matter
For a bird without wings?

Again and again you two do…
Until you feel like… Until he treats you like…
A worn out soul of his shoe
You ask why and what did you do?

Then you are left to cry and wonder
Why does he just sing?
The words that really cut
Oh the words really sting
“See what you get girl ?”
“For making haste of such thing.”

You don’t see two anymore
You only see you
While you run for the door
And suddenly you’re not so proud of the pretty face, those pretty looks anymore

You don’t think
You don’t see you
You look long in the mirror
And you don’t know at who

The story continues
Until you find a new you

– Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin

© 2012

Time Defined

In a landfill of distraction
So full of meaningless attraction
Clear the clutter away
Detain every moment
Seek and arrest that which will not stay

Remnants of memories sublime
Are like sands in the hourglass
Slowly slipping away with time
To age-old change, reluctantly give in
The best of memories slowly wearing thin

Look long into the photograph
Look longer and deeper into the mirror
At what’s becoming foggy and grey
That which is behind us slowly fades away

Time is an abyss

Memories of old slip slowly into the distance
Turn away now from the mirror
To face the deadline of existence

– Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin

 © 2011

I the Old Tree

i-freebird ®

i-freebird ®

I continue on whatever path the Lord has chosen

I get somber and am only momentarily frozen

Then, the voice inside reminds me, fear not, worry not,

This is not all what God has  chosen

Sure, for a little while I look down at all the trials that surround me

When I look up to see the light of day

To the sky, the Heaven

There is an affirming voice that says, “I’m glad, that you found me.”

I rejoice

Patient are my leaves

I am steadfast

Ready for whatever surrounds me

I am

Like the old tree outside my window

In full bloom

Some of my branches bare, some broken

The earth, sun, and rain, all God’s creations

Nourish me

Fulfilled by the Lord, and God in Heaven above

Heavenly Angels and my family

Love

I am steadfast and grounded

Grappling to live

I keep faith and grow another branch

A branch in a new direction of faith, and stillness in that faith

Hope is each new branch thereafter

Wind caresses my leaves, they dance

Another chance

Grow a new branch

My children, all grown, my longest branches

My grandchildren, my newest beautiful branches

All extensions of me

When their leaves fall to the ground

They are free to become each their own tree

Wherever that will be

Like Mother, I am happy with the beauty of Gods creations.

I absorb the sun and listen the songs of many different birds

Theyall perch around me

Like family

My Husband like the wise owl, watchful, caring, and discerning

On my right branch

The Angels, they whisper in the wind and dance

Within the clouds in the sky

Their messages take shape

Strong rooted in the earth

I am still

– Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin

Copyright © 2011 / i-freebird ®

Waiting

Sands in the hourglass

Seem to fall so slow


Waiting for relaxation from a glass of Merlot, eventually it does overflow
Waiting for an understanding that does not ever show
Waiting for the night to take thee off to sleep

To sleep thee never goes

Waiting for the moment that’s right

Only to create another plight 

Waiting for the sun to rise up in clear or cloudy skies
Waiting for the answers to oh, so many why’s

The answers do come

not all at once but only some

Faith tells thee there are more answers to come 

Wait no more

For faith build’s the bridge

That leads thee to the right door

 A night without waiting
pray to the Lord the soul to keep

And then fall fast to sleep

Waiting is not always the thing to do

But many a time we have to

It is why patience is a virtue

When waiting for one’s return  

Or for something thee does yearn

Waiting is hard to endure

For time taunts

 Making waiting become something of the obscure

 

– Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin
Copyright © 2013

 

Monday

Good mornin’ coffee

Monday rolled in on the thunder

So maybe I’ll get through it with my head above water

Instead of feeling like goin’ under

What is it about this day

That makes me want to wish it
away?

After a Saturday of fun

 A restful Sunday’s over and done 

Come Monday

 I‘m not much in the
mood for anything or anyone

I have four more days to get through

When I’m on Monday, complaining to you

Oh yes four more days to tackle the daily grind

And looking back over my shoulder

I see two good days that I just left behind

Good mornin’ coffee

Monday rolled in on the thunder

So maybe I’ll get through it with my head above water

Instead of feeling like goin’ under

Oh Monday seems to me

Like one small weed in an ocean of grass

So when the alarm clock screams

I hit the snooze and pass

Even though I tried to

I don’t like Mondays no matter what I do

Tuesday and the rest of the week

are better days to get through

And do my best at the things I want and like to

Good mornin’ coffee

Monday rolled in on the thunder

So maybe I’ll get through it with my head above water

Instead of feeling like goin’ under

Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin  © 2011

Silver and Gray

Long, strong silver and gray, gray and silver you come,
un-announced, for now, you are un-welcomed a flip, a toss, salt and pepper. A flip, a toss your buried, hidden, but not for long. Now there is almost no hiding your shimmer. Will you look good on me when stronger in number? Will it be decided that the every wire-like strand of you be camouflaged, disguised as the original until accepted, as distinguished, as a sign of wisdom? My long stare into a mirror, bowing and turning my head. You silver and gray, gray and silver are like a season that never ends. You are the winter, long and harsh, until the day you are, at last, accepted.

– Sheryl K. Platzer- Sartin  © 2011

Tomorrow and Today

As the day ends And I lay here in bed my mind wonders once again I think about things I did I think about things I said I think about things I seen I think about things tomorrow may bring

Will it bring joy? Will it bring anger? Will it bring pain? Will it bring sorrow? Or maybe I’ll lay in bed thinking again of tomorrow

What if tomorrow brought my end Then I wonder what things I’ll be thinking of then Will it be regret? Will it be content? Will it be something I forget?

And if I forget Was it important to figure it then? Or maybe I should think of something else instead?

Maybe of food Or maybe I’m full Maybe of fun Or maybe something dull

Maybe a tune or a sweet lullaby To put me to rest and ease my mind Maybe I’ll stop Maybe I’ll close my eyes Maybe I’ll stop thinking altogether At least till next time Maybe no next time Maybe this is just it As the day ends And I lay here in bed…

When I think of what tomorrow brings

Am I thinking of one too many things?

In a comfortable place my head I lay

I should be grateful for this

And the simple things anyway

If thinking of what tomorrow brings

Is thinking of one too many things

Then I shall think of what I did today

Did it matter, if not to me,

Then to someone else anyway?

Looking back on how this day had begun

Have I made a difference to anyone?

Well, I must have faith

And Remember to pray

And to thank the Lord for  my waking to face each new day

This I’m sure will start  tomorrows off right anyway

– By My Son, Auroiah B. Morgan, and me, Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin

                                                                                                                      Copyright © 2011                                                                                                               

Sanity to Me

Sanity to me is
Bravery in the face of fear
Sanity to me is
Listening to your heart body and mind
When no one else will hear

Sanity to me is
Letting out and facing every tear if alone or if someone’s near

Sanity to me is knowing the last thoughts and feelings of a loved one unfairly taken from me and the rest of us here

Sanity to me is

Not sympathy
But is the understanding
It’s a finding commonality
A comrade in the tested strength  of trial and tribulation that others too are withstanding
Sanity to me is
Having something and someone good to believe in
No matter how much hurt trouble or burden on my shoulders I’m heavin’

My sanity is being a soldier by my own right and always fighting the see, speak, and hear no evil, the right fight

Sanity to me is
Having faith stand or fall
In God in Heaven and Heavenly Guardian Angels that come to call

Sanity to me is

Standing up for what I know is right
A knowing, a fighting for the truth
Even when standing falsely accused
Leaves me standing alone and it hurts just as bad as being physically, mentally, or emotionally abused

sanity to me is that natural found empathy
For others who struggle the same or worse as me
Sanity to me is
a random act of kindness an empathetic blindness to the what or the who

if nothing else in the moment I knew, that he or she needed that act of  kindness from me or who?

Sanity to me is
Writing and making my voice heard

And yet

its just as well Communicating without a word
Sanity to me is always visible in the eyes

Its taking a meditating moment to close them and pray or seek answers to all the whys

Sanity can feel like a burden sometimes and beating this feeling is better than going down with the evil that chimes

Sanity to many is staying sane
Through chronic illness, depression, emotional, and physical pain.

Sanity is knowing when to let it rain never giving up on your goals, dreams, and the things God’s good intentions gain

Then knowing when to start anew just by a tap on your shoulder, a heavenly whisper, the way the wind blows gently and the way the light shines on you

Sanity to me

Is a worthwhile talk for me, for someone, while taking a walk in the weather of choice that soothes anger and gives it voice

Even if I’m down and  have been for a while Sanity to me is a burst of  laughter and or a  subtle smile

Sanity is a loved one, just someone who understands,  or a friend that sticks with you when you need encouragement to go that needed extra mile

Sanity to many is being heard through an instrument and or the voice in a song and playing whenever somethings right or somethings wrong and the best part is the understanding when its heard and others sing along

–  Copyright Sheryl K. Platzer Sartin    2011

Colorful Me

I’m not into ethnic confusion

The question of my race is quite the intrusion

I’m not from their country club

I’m not from their tribes

A colorful harmony

Brings out the charm in me

I celebrate all of me

An un-sung song but not for very long

In numbers we’re strong

It’s troubling to be forced to choose

Only one part of me

While the other parts lose

I have to be all of me

That’s Gods spiritual call of me

I won’t be forlorn

For I stand up to the scorn and refuse to be torn

Between the colors that make the real me

Like the ocean with more than one shore

There’s no need to be anything less or more

Than the inside and out

Colorful one who stands out

With the beautiful face

Of more than one race

Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin © 2011

A Two-sided Song

It’s been five years

He’s been there
to lose him?
Like so many have lost theirs?
Don’t know what I’d do.
Son, come home
….
Oh Lord, let it be
That my son
Come home to his family
….
I pray, oh Lord, for the others
And the pain they feel
I pray for the mentally and physically wounded
That you Lord, light their darkness that is so real
Five years too long, I pray this war end
For it’s getting hard to remember what we defend
Yet, to every Soldier and Veteran,
A thank you I send
To Vietnam, I dare not compare
I just Pray, oh Lord, that we don’t have
Another sixteen years of what they had there
Myself, like many, will never forget
The fight, the struggle of every Vet
We are grateful to those, both lost and survived
I pray they have strength for every burden derived
Now our hearts are somber
For so many lives taken
Oh Lord, how can we not feel forsaken?
Bring them home
Son, come home
– Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin
Copyright © 2008

Purpose

Though I’m sure of where I stand
I’m not sure of where I’m going
What I do know is
No matter how far I go
through out my journey I’ll encounter
A  high mountain or steep hill
No matter how hard either is to climb
No matter what I will.
For I know that on the other side
Stands a purpose I must fulfill
– Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin / i-freebird
© 2008 

Chronic Illness

Red blood, blood red
I want the chronic illness inside me dead

It came upon me so unexpected
It’s cause unknown
Of  the possibilities, none rejected

Much a humbled life I’ve lived
Not much left to gain
I just wish for one day without pain

The fatigue and weakness of which I am bound
Is like a lost battle
A crying out without sound

Every night I pray and then I weep
For I lay to restless sleep

Though every day there is a cloud above
I live for the moment, the laughter, the love
For I know not how close I come 
To Heaven above

      Copyright © 2008  – Sheryl K Platzer-Sartin

Feelings Love and Friendship

I’m standin’ on the outside
And today’s a very windy day
‘Cause people’s phoniness and insincerities
Are really blowing me away
I really don’t know why
It’s with me they wanna pretend
‘Cause I know I never told them
That they have to be my friend
Now I’m sittin’ alone thinkin’
About their phoniness revealed today
And of how its time I tell them all
that My life is no play

My feelings are always true
‘Cause for me life’s too dear
And now I gotta make it clear
That I don’t wanna be bothered
By anyone phony or insincere

Workin’ hard night and day
To fulfill my dreams and let them pay
When from behind me calls a voice
A voice that I hear say
“go for what you know,”
“I’m behind you all the way!”
Inspiring words are always good to hear
But it makes me mad and kinda hurts
When I find out they’re insincere
And the real reason they’re behind me
Is ’cause its my name they wanna smear

Its phony people that make
Makin’ friends somethin’ to fear
‘Cause you know its in the wrong direction
They wanna make you steer

I’d rather my life
Come to a very lonely end
Than deal with all the antics
Of a phony or so-called friend

Feelings love and friendship
Thou shall not Pretend
‘Cause if they do
It’ll only haunt them in the end

Copyright ©2008 Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin 

Life’s Messages

  • You hurry through life

Believing that’s how everything goes

While you miss something more important

Sitting right under your nose

You worry what everyone thinks of you

Of what you have  and how much it grows

But you’re so busy trying to impress

That the real you never shows

Then one day something happens

A most critical event

That makes you stop and wonder

Where the time and real meaning went

In the presence of the unknown

You think your whole life has been blown

Its time to sit back and learn the lesson

Out of the event your being shown

– Sheryl K. Platzer-Sartin

© 2011