Her Days, Though Numbered, Are Too Many


Today she finds yet another painful lump under her skin along with another painful lymph node.
Today is yet another day like too many of which she peels away all four patches of an electrical nerve stimulator.

Today is one too many a day of the typical, morning in which she wakes, swallows a lot of prescription meds and does not concern herself with what she will wear, fashion sense, or even combing her hair.
Today the Lidoderm patches become the fashion accessory that adorns her body, almost everywhere.
She wonders why time doesn’t feel as tough it is working against her.
Quietly she whispers to herself she that she wishes time would hurry on and get to the point it will carry on, without her.
She is not suicidal.
She is just low on distractions from all the physical pain and sorrowful memories that rob her of her natural energy and enthusiasm.
She feels much older than she really is.

She is tired of all the doctor appointments
Today, yet another day to many, in all the pain, she wonders “What UN-willed transformations are next for me?”
Just as the tears slowly fall from her failing eyes and drench the patchy dry skin on her face, a lovable creature she resides with brushes up against her.
There is warm, loving embrace of which she is relieved by.
She is able to feel happy again.
Today is another day alright.
She always has strength for a loved one, one of the many she loves so much.
One of the now few distractions that help her strive to fight to survive.
There is communication between them that is without words. While her last tear falls and her cheek dries there is, through warm and loving eyes, that deep gaze full of a comfort that is almost surreal, almost omniscient.
She whispers to herself,
“I will see and feel such a gaze even if lost becomes the sight from my eye.”
Melatonin begins out doing the pain signals in her brain, and is all her precious loved one, her pet, ever wanted.
Today is yet another day of this life on a path not chosen, still she tries to acclimate.

Today, like every day, she gives thanks to loving pets, her loving Husband, and even more so, to a loving God. She is so humbled. She can feel the smile growing slowly on her face in place of the tears. She is thankful that she is here in this moment. For a while she still, both outside and in.
Today, like any other day, she has found her strength within.
She reaches out to touch others with prayer and support.
Most of them have not even the slightest clue that,
From her heart and soul she does this and she believes this is what she should do.
She feels she must do something now that there is not much she can do.
Today is yet another day that all of this is her mental and spiritual rescue.
Tonight she writes in her journal.
“Today was another day alright.”
“Today was another day and it was all right.”

i-freebird / Sheryl Platzer-Sartin
©2015

@i_freebird

#SarcoidosisAwareness

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